Friday, January 14, 2011

cholera and other misfires

A few months ago my book club read The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson. Looks nice enough, right? Innocent.
Perhaps it's a mystery? Ooh, a ghost story? Something thrilling, certainly. Well, a thrilling mystery it is, and I will tell you this for free: it's about cholera.

And it changed the way I view fabric.

From the first mention of "rice water stool," something in my very full and overworked brain misfired, and my relationship with abstract prints changed. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but certain prints from very famous designers started looking like...well...cholera to me.

The first specimen. Notice the abnormal growth habit:

And...in green! Don't even get me started on the green and its mutations.

I'm lucky enough to have two of my sewing pals in book club, so I have plenty of moral support and companionship as I struggle with this aversion. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who had a misfire. Val sees it, too.

You may recall that not long ago I had a delirious and maniacal texting fit during a clearance event at my LQS. I'd like to share another detail of that day - a detail that will only undoubtedly validate your thinking that I'm a bit of a lunatic. At least I'm not alone.

Val:    Hey, Linds!
Me:    VAL! You will never guess what they have on clearance!?!?!
Val:    Who is "they" and where are you?
Me:     I'm in the clearance room at Always in Stitches, and you will DIE when I tell you what's here.
Val:     TELL ME.
Me:     It's....I can't believe I'm saying this. It's THE CORIANDER. And there are tons of other prints. The chrysanthemums and the fans and there's a couple colors of the one that looks like cholera...and...
Val:      Wait. Which fans? Send me a picture. I hate the cholera and I don't want any, but get everything else!

The thing that makes me really giggle when I think back to this moment is not that we both knew exactly which cholera print I was shouting about. It's the other person in the clearance room. What must she have been thinking? Well, I know what she was thinking. She was thinking, "oh, shiz. i just dropped my wedding ring, and I can't get down on all fours because of my fibromyalgia. I wonder if this crazy, crazy screaming person will help me find it."  Still.

Cholera Brown:
and Cholera Blue:
Now, for the record, I want everyone to understand that I am FULLY AWARE (after the research I did 2 minutes ago) that cholera is NOT paisley in shape.  It's more of a...i dunno....what is this?

I suppose it's a shape that can only be defined as "vermicelli" in nature.

oh, wait! even better (or worse).

Somehow I can look at that image of actual cholera without issue, but when I peek back at that Asha Paisley I reach for the hand sanitizer.

Don't EVEN get me started on this one. Hives!

4 comments:

  1. I love that I can now fully envision that scene in the clearance room...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have only myself to blame for clicking through the read this post while I was eating lunch. You did after all put the word cholera in the title as a warning.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh dear! You had me lol'ing. You could so be my best friend!!! I work at a quilt shop and my boss and i have this running joke about germ fabric!!! We even have one that we call petrie dish!! I am enjoying the cholera posts immensely

    ReplyDelete
  4. ROFL, I just stumbled onto your blog for the first time (bookmarked it too!) and you have me cracking up. That last "hive" fabric--I have some of that in corduroy of all things :D

    ReplyDelete